Pastor Rockwell / HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES

Pastor Jerry Rockwell

HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES

Ephesians 5:25-33

Introduction: One writer makes an interesting observation about marriage in the 21st Century. He says, 

“Should husband and wife maintain distinct gender-based roles in marriage? Twenty years ago this question could scarcely have been raised in conservative Christian circles. Today it leaps out again and again from the pages, pulpits, and podiums of the evangelical world, and has become a major bone of contention even among those who claim allegiance to an authoritative Bible.” 

We currently live in a culture where the biblical model of marriage is no longer being followed. Marriage is not a major part of our society. If a couple wants to have a relationship, they live together. Some even view this as an experiment to determine if they are compatible before getting married. Thus, the biblical view of marriage is not a priority for most young people and even older people who have been through a divorce and are skeptical about having a biblical marriage. The point being made is that if a Christian wants to follow biblical standards in marriage, then they must accept the Bible as the authority of how a relationship is to be established and deliver the kind of relationship many are searching for. 

The passage under study provides a wealth of practical teaching and doctrinal instruction on marriage, as found in Ephesians 5:21-26. Lewis Sperry Chafer points out the doctrinal applications in this passage. He says, “In verses 25–27, the past, present, and future of the Church are revealed: (1) [Past] ‘Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it’ (2) [Present] ‘that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,’ and (3) [Future] ‘that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.’” [Emphasis added.] This also emphasizes the principle pointed out last week of the marriage being an example or type of the church.

This brings us to the vital section of Ephesians 5, where the man, “husband,” is given instructions for marriage. Men are commanded to “love their wives,” and an example is provided, “. . .even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Immediately, the believer should know what is being discussed by the phrase “gave himself for it.” That is sacrificial love. Jesus died on the cross for our sins, not His sins, and for the church, His bride (Rev. 21:2, 9). Just as the wife was instructed to “submit yourselves to your own husbands” which is an imperative, the husband is instructed to “love your wives” also an imperative. In other words, it is a command. The reason the wife is to “submit yourselves. . .” is because the husband is “the head of the wife.” This makes marriage commitment a responsibility. It is a command for both husband and wife, and not an option. For a marriage to function correctly, these biblical instructions provide the recipe for a successful relationship. It will help us to understand what the word “head” means. This word is found three times in Ephesians 1:22, 4:15, and 5:23. Some debate if the word means “ruler” or “authority,” and some think it refers to “source.” Harold Hoehner believes it denotes “‘preeminence’ or ‘prominence’ with the context emphasizing either authority or source.” Looking at the context of Ephesians 1:22 the emphasis is “authority.” The Father (Eph. 1:17) “. . .hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church.” To hold the emphasis of Ephesians 4:15 as “source” would indicate that Jesus is the source “from which believers grow and from whom the whole body is being fitted and held together.” 

  1. THE HUSBAND IS HEAD OF THE WIFE, Ephesians 5:23-24. These two verses highlight the husband’s responsibility in his relationship with his wife. You must contrast the two words “head” and “saviour.” He is the head in the sense that he is the head of the wife in the same manner Christ is head of the church. We stumble over the word “head.” Again, we go to 1 Corinthians 11:3 (KJV) But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. The word “head” has the connotation of “supreme, chief, or prominent.” Since the head of man is Christ, then there is an element that the husband must be submissive to Christ. How does he accomplish this? The same way Christ submits to the Father. Jesus did nothing contrary to the will of the Father. Thus, we can say that for man to be submissive to Christ, he follows the will of Christ. How does that take place? By looking at a passage like Ephesians 5:22-32, and seeking to follow all that he desires the husband (or any believer) to do. You apply the responsibilities taught in the Bible. There is no other way to know the will of God without the word of God. 
  2. THE HUSBAND IS TO LOVE YOUR WIVES, AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH, Ephesians 5:25. When Jesus was on the earth the first time, He spoke of being the “good shepherd” (John 10:11-12, 14). Husbands are to be “like Christ”
  1. THE GOOD SHEPHERD IMAGERY OF SACRIFICE, John 10.
  1. The Good Shepherd Will Perish For His Flock. He said in John 10:11 (KJV) I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep. 
  2. The Good Shepherd Will Protect His Flock. Jesus said in John 10:14-15 (KJV) 14 I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine. 15 As the Father knoweth me, even so know I the Father: and I lay down my life for the sheep.
  3. The Good Shepherd Will Provide For His Sheep, Psalm 23:2. This verse says, “He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.” A good husband will provide for his family in everything. That includes being with them. [Windshield farmers in West Texas.] 
  1. THE HUSBAND AND LOVE, Ephesians 5:25. It is worth noting that the word “love” is used two times in this verse (“loveth”). Note the word and its use in Ephesians 5:25, 28, and 33. Some consider this word “love” and the Greek word “agape,” interpreted as “love,” and want to make this the “God kind of love.” That is a misnomer. One source suggests that this is a way of expressing a relationship built around the concept of “agape.”  

“Often it means no more than ‘to be satisfied with something;’ often it means ‘to receive’ or ‘to greet’ or ‘to honour,’ i.e., in terms of external attitude. It relates more to the inward attitude in its meaning of ‘seeking after something,’ or ‘desiring someone or something.’ The verb is often used to denote regard or friendship between equals, or sometimes sympathy.”

In our current study, we find this definition perfect for the relationship between 

husband and wife. A husband must constantly be satisfied with his wife. 

  1.         Husbands must also see the goal of sanctifying and cleansing his wife and children is in Ephesians 5:27 (KJV) That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. Men, seeing your family develop spiritually and seek to be “holy” and “without blemish” then you could say you are moving in the right direction. 
  2. IV.THE HUSBAND IS NOT TO BE SELF-CENTERED, Ephesians 5:28-31.
  1. HE WILL LOVE HIS WIFE AS HE LOVES HIMSELF, Ephesians 5:28. You will begin to put your wife and family as first in your life regardless of your needs. A Christian man who loves himself more than his wife and family is living contrary to God’s word. A man who loves himself more than his wife will have a difficult time making her think he loves her. I saw samples of this in a church I pastored in West Texas, nearly in New Mexico. Several women in the church told me they did not think their husbands loved them. They would leave the house at 5:30 AM and make their way to the local café where all the men went to have breakfast. Then he would not return until after 9:00 PM. This sent a message to the wife that he did not love her. He loved his truck and other farmers more than her. Why did she think that? Because he spent more time with them than his wife. 
  2. HE WHO LOVES HIS WIFE WILL NOURISH AND CHERISH HER AS HE DOES HIMSELF, Ephesians 5:29. I have never seen a man who did not think highly of himself. That manifests itself in the sporting events they participate in. Many men I have had activities with usually think pretty highly of themselves and will usually tell you what they think of themselves. The verse says Ephesians 5:29 (KJV) For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. We seldom think that the application of this verse is an indication that we are beginning to “be like Christ.” Note Romans 6:4 (KJV) Therefore we are buried with him by baptism [Holy Spirit baptism ] into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. 
  3. HE WILL LEAVE AND CLEAVE, Ephesians 5:30-33. These verses make a complete thought. Ephesians 5:30 states that we as believers are “members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.” This is talking about the church. This is a problematic verse. John Phillips makes the most sense about this verse. He says, “We are members of his body.” Christ’s life is our life. His love is our love. His Spirit energizes our spirits. His blood cleanses all.” The next verse verifies this connection. It is a quote from Genesis 2:24 (KJV) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Paul now applies this principle to the church, the body of Christ. This verse is a quote in Ephesians 5:31. He then calls this a “great mystery.” This is something folks that is difficult to explain. Christ is in heaven and I am on this earth and we are told we are “members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones” (Eph. 5:30).  Then we are called “one flesh” when we are joined to our wife (Eph. 5:31). That is why this is called a “mystery” in Ephesians 5:32. Then the passage closes with Ephesians 5:33 (KJV) Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.