Part 1
Ephesians 5:21-33
Introduction: The institution of marriage is facing difficult times. When I first started preaching in 1967, the divorce rate in 1970 was 20% of the couples married in 1950. As of 2024, the divorce rate in the U.S. remains at approximately 40% to 50%. Here are some interesting statistics about divorce:
• There were 13 divorces an hour in England and Wales in 2012
• Women were granted 65% of all divorces
• 9,703 men and 6,026 women aged over 60 got divorced
• One in seven divorces were granted as a result of adultery.
• 719 (less than 1%) divorces were granted because of desertion
• The average age at divorce was 45 for men and 42 for women
• 9% of couples divorcing had both been divorced before
• 48% of couples divorcing had at least one child aged under 16 living with the family
• It is expected that 42% of marriages will end in divorce
- Second marriages generally have the highest divorce rate, exceeding that of first marriages. While 40-50% of first marriages end in divorce, second marriages see divorce rates around 60-67%, and third marriages even higher, exceeding 70%.
God instituted marriage. After He created man, God placed him in the “garden of Eden” (Gen. 2:15) and called him Adam. Then God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Gen. 2:18). The two words “help meet” does not suggest inferior but an assistant, a person who supports another, “one who helps (literally).” It is essential to examine a passage in the New Testament that provides insight into the meaning of the husband-and-wife relationship. The passage before us, Ephesians 5:21-33, addresses the biblical perspective on marriage and its functioning. The biblical “chain of command” can help understand this concept.
The Biblical Chain of Command, 1 Corinthians 11:1-12. This passage is referred to as the biblical “chain of command.” It starts with vss. 2-3, which says, “2 Now I praise you, brethren, that ye remember me in all things, and keep the ordinances, as I delivered them to you. 3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” The chain of command is understood as: God – Christ – man – woman. God is the head, Christ is submissive to Him (yet not inferior because Christ is “God was manifest in the flesh” (1 Tim. 3:16), the head of man is Christ, with man being submissive to Christ, and the head of woman is man, and she is submissive to him. The key to all of this is the word “submitting” (Eph. 5:21). The word “submitting” in English grammar is “a present participle, which acts as a verb form used to indicate ongoing action or a state of being.” The word “submit” means to yield to the authority or will of another. It speaks nothing of superiority as a person. [Emphasis added.]
The Verse Under Consideration, Ephesians 5:21. It should be understood in this way. To maintain harmony in the marriage relationship the example in the Bible sets the tone. Submission is learned in the “congregation” of a church, which verse 21 has in mind as well. The text demonstrates the idea in the church and the marriage. It is important to take note of how the text of Ephesians 5:22-33 inserts the church as an example. The word “church” occurs nine times in Ephesians and all but three are found in Ephesians 5. Submission is understood and applied when people learn to submit to the pastor’s leadership in a church congregation. This is stated in Hebrews 13:17 (KJV) Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you. The submission of a congregation is supported also in Hebrews 13:7 (KJV) Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation. In the church relationship, no one thinks of themselves as inferior to the pastor, but as submissive. This should explain “submission” in a way that does not make a person inferior. Women are not inferior to men, yet they are the “weaker vessel” (1 Pet. 3:7), not weaker intellectually but physically. We live in an age of history where women are promoted as superior to men. Watch the TV commercials, and you will see that women are placed in roles that once belonged to men and men are portrayed as weak or somewhat ignorant. The society in which we live is not interested in adhering to a biblical standard. The Bible is not considered authoritative in any way.
There Are Some Essential Applications, Ephesians 5:21. John Phillips states the application of verse 21. He says, “This verse summarizes the practical implications of being filled with the Spirit, and it introduces the next major section of the letter. The next section deals with human relationships and reviews our various roles and positions in life.” These are two guidelines for understanding the marriage relationship, which is the subject of Ephesians 5:22-33. There is a phenomenon here about translations that deserves our notice. The “new” translations (ESV, NIV84, LSB, et al) have changed the word “God” (KJV) to “Christ” in vs. 21. You will not find anywhere in the King James Bible a statement about “fearing Christ” or “fear of Christ” or “fear Christ.” The phrase “fear God” appears 10 times in the KJV. The phrase “fear of God” occurs eight times in the KJV, five times in the Old Testament and three times in the New Testament. The “fear of God” or “fear God” are two critical statements in the Bible. God told Moses to speak to the people of Israel after giving him the Ten Commandments to have a “fear of God.” Then Moses explained why in Exodus 20:20 (KJV), And Moses said unto the people, Fear not: for God is come to prove you, and that his fear may be before your faces, that ye sin not. [Emphasis added.] There is a connection to the “fear” of God and “sin.” Moses conveys to the people that they should fear God, as it serves as a deterrent to sin. When Paul made the statement in Ephesians 5:21, he was referring to the biblical concept of fearing God. When he said the believer should submit themselves to one another “in the fear of God,” it would be the same as being a deterrent to sin; it is designed to promote obeying God. The word “fear” can have the idea of “mutual respect” or “afraid or fearful of something or someone.” The dictionary definition of “fear” is “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, or pain.” The context determines the meaning. Here, it is a noun, and due to what follows, it has the idea of “mutual respect,” yet the phrase states “in the fear of God.” Only your King James Bible conveys this concept. The new translations translate it “out of reverence for Christ” (ESV, NIV84). The dictionary does not equate “reverence” with fear or use it as a synonym. They change the meaning of the word “fear” (phobos). We have several words in our English vocabulary that use this word “fear” (phobos). The word “claustrophobia” refers to the fear of enclosed places, such as an elevator or closet. There is “acrophobia,” which is a “fear of heights.” Some have “aerophobia,” which is an intense fear of flying. Or maybe, “ophidiophobia,” meaning the fear of snakes. These are all English words, not Greek. In verse 21, it is the “fear of God.” People who have not accepted Christ as Saviour should have a fear of God. The passage used above, Genesis 20:20, suggests the “fear of God” is to be a deterrent to sin and a motivation to seek eternal life which will deliver them from the judgment of hell. The “fear of God” should also be an attribute of anyone who wants to serve God. Moses’ father-in-law, Jethro (Exod. 18:12), gave him some valuable advice when looking for some men who could help Moses in his work of guiding the people. Jethro told him in Exodus 18:21 (KJV) Moreover thou shalt provide out of all the people able men, such as fear God, men of truth, hating covetousness; and place such over them, to be rulers of thousands, and rulers of hundreds, rulers of fifties, and rulers of tens. Note here that in searching for able men, the first requirement was “such as fear God.” The “leadership” Moses needed were men who not only “feared God” but had character traits as “men of truth” and “hating covetousness.” It is evident in this verse that leadership starts with a relationship with God and to “fear Him [God].” This application of verse 21, which applies to what comes before and after, is not always taught in the context of marriage. In my opinion, it applies to both parties.
When exegeting the passage under consideration (Eph. 5:22-33), it is essential to examine the subject matter and how it builds upon the preceding context. This passage has three players: husbands, wives, and the church. Some comparisons help understand the application of each admonition. We will see how marriage is an illustration of how the church is to function and how the church is an illustration of how marriage works. With this in mind, let’s briefly launch into these verses. For this study we will follow Dr. Phillips’ outline.
- THE APPLICATION OF SUBMISSION, Ephesians 5:21. Briefly, the meaning of this verse is applicable to the married couple and to the church. Remember the “chain of command” mentioned earlier? This applies all through this study. The wife is to be “submissive” to her husband, the husband is to be “submissive” to Christ, and Christ was “submissive” to the Father. The word “submitting” has the meaning of “to arrange under, to subordinate, to submit to one’s control.” John Phillips identifies these two roles in a significant way. For the woman/wife, the role includes “surrender,” and for the man/husband, the word is “sacrifice.”
- Surrender, Responsibility of the Wife, Ephesians 5:22-24. Paul admonished the church at Ephesus in Ephesians 5:15-16 (KJV) 15 See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, 16 Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. These verses can be applied here to any believer who wants to do the “will of God.” Then, following that statement, it should not be overlooked what is stated in Ephesians 5:17-18 (KJV) 17 Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. 18 And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit. The previous study of these verses pointed out that the “wise” should never act in an “unwise” manner. These verses are suggestive to application in the church and outside the church confines. Harold Hoehner has an excellent comment:
These characteristics are relatively easy to manifest in a church setting because fellow believers may only see each other a few hours each week. However, Paul’s injunction to be filled by the Spirit extends beyond merely a church service or a casual gathering to the believer’s life at home and at work where he or she will be observed twenty-four hours a day.
Many Christians today see their “Christianity” as being practiced only when in the church building or church function. They see their Christianity as not applicable in the workplace. There is an illustration from John Phillips which fits here: “Where light radiates, it brings a change of character and a change of conduct. The days we live in are evil. If there was ever a time when the Christian lifestyle and the light of God’s word should be demonstrated in the home, workplace, and public, it is now. One of the essential biblical principles expressed in Ephesians 5 is to be congruent with what is stated in Ephesians 1:22-23, 22 And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church, 23 Which is his body, the fulness of him that filleth all in all. The relationship between the church and believers cannot be overlooked. When referring to the importance of wives submitting to their husbands, the church, congregation, is “subject to Christ” (Eph. 5:24). The marriage relationship is a microcosm of the church’s relationship with Christ. He is the head, and every believer has the responsibility to submit to His authority. The authority of Christ is found in the Bible.
- Sacrifice, The Responsibility of the Husband, Ephesians 5:25-33. The responsibility of the man is stated in Ephesians 5:25 (KJV) Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. This verse is straightforward. The husband’s role is similar to Jesus’ sacrifice for the Church. He gave himself as stated in Titus 2:14 (KJV) Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. Our redemption is available to us because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. It also says in ‘Galatians 1:4 (KJV) Who gave himself for our sins, that he might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father. These two verses reveal the outcome of Jesus’ self-sacrifice for us. Jesus’ “sacrifice” applied to “salvation” and “protection.” John 3:16 is the statement of this truth. Jesus was not forced to die for our sins, but His love and the Father’s love drove Him to lay down His life for sinners. It was God’s will, and Jesus stated this two times (Matthew 26:39, 42). In Matthew 26:42, Jesus said, “. . .thy will be done.” Every husband should make this a part of his participation in marriage, God’s will! That means the husband will provide leadership in ensuring the family attends church and participates in spiritual activities. It is the husband’s responsibility to see that the children are exposed to the word of God. The husband must be the “spiritual” leader in the family. He should be willing to sacrifice his desires (golf, fishing, etc.) to allow his wife and children be taken to spiritual activities. He should be the “leader” in these things. My dad had a saying when we would ask him if we could do something as a family, like a movie or other activity. He would say, “Let’s don’t and say we did.” I wonder if some use this saying more than it is known.
- THE APPLICATION OF THE CHURCH AND MARRIAGE, Ephesians 5:22-27